year now drawing to a close ... what I leave behind?
relevant to what happened this year?
And the good intentions for the next? yes, I make them regularly and always standing by ...
Today is my birthday, happy birthday to me :-)
With a hint of sadness in the heart that accompanies me, unfortunately, continues unabated to accompany me while trying to shake off Today more than other days. But we do in order
thoughts ....
So, what I leave behind? a difficult year, a year here is difficult, psychologically speaking, a year that did not let me stay a minute, a year that made me vex till the last ...
I unplug my brain and make a nice reset.
me is much easier to abandon sadness to happiness ... hopefully in the next year ... ..
a memory but I remember last year ... I guess I was too sad at this time last year ... wow ... I fear that is chronic ... and then say that to begin in September to be all excited by the arrival of Christmas and then .... bho ... I feel the depression ...
In my defense I can say that this year I suffered my first real grief, you know, my mom is gone, but I forget the mica me, indeed, so much indifference that has characterized our relationship when he was hours in life feeds a voracious sense of incomplete, lack of sadness in my heart that really overwhelms me.
Today, I said, it's my birthday and I can only remember that the first person from whom I received the good wishes it was she, my mother always told me the time when I put it in the world and told me a few anecdotes of my first days .... and so I'm a little sad to think strength, not his call, I received, this is clear, and I miss ... madonna how I miss ...
well I'll do with a reason sooner or later, I will not forget it, it would be too easy and not suffer any more, but sooner or later I'll be there to stop bad every time I think ... ... and I always think it is in everything I do, it's in my face when I look in the mirror is in the dark of night when I wake up after having dreamed, even in the advertising cake is on TV saying "spend Christmas with someone you love "or something like that ... and I can not help but think that I have not allowed to" spend Christmas with those who loved "because I had nothing else to do, I did not want to be with her and left her alone, alone like a dog ... I was selfish to his disadvantage, now I understand the importance do not leave people alone, to love them unconditionally ... but at what price ... the guilt is killing me and make me feel more serenity and joy of anything, a birthday, Christmas, the 'enthusiasm for something new, a new hobby, a new cat, a new friend ....
me attacking him is also a sense of dissatisfaction that I have never tried ... and say that in my life, I think they would have many of the things I've always wanted, those things called Mark, Lily, their love, our little house ...
perhaps depression is called, I do not know, I know I can not find encouragement in anything, I know that my endurance level is now insignificant, nothing excites me more ... oh, well we hope that the next help me leave and hope for a more peaceful 2011 ...
my purpose? enter the new year with a smile and be able to keep ...
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